There is something to emptiness, but its beauty will always be undefinable.

I had such a shit day and all I want to do right now...purge. The problem: I recently got braces. So do I purge or do I abstain? I fucking hate food right now. Why, why, why? I didn't even eat that much. The circle of disordered eating. Certain aspects of my life are beginning to look up, however. Such as I will be going to college this fall and we have a new dance building.

There is a part of me that knows how wrong I am. 

There is a part of me that knows...I need help. 

But there's a bigger part that knows there is no return, no life after it's gone.

I need it like an addict needs the drug; leaving it behind will never work.

Need.

So needy.

I hate you, darling.

Finally met a goal.

I need to weigh myself. 

I can feel my bones protruding, but I need proof. 

Proof only found in numbers. 

Work was insanely busy today, but I was calm. 

Had I eaten, I would have been restless.

Good Night.