You don't get explanations in real life.

You just get moments that are absolutely, utterly, inexplicably odd.

- Neil Gaiman

I am a spider.

I am

more

afraid

of

you, 

than 

you 

are

of 

me.

Midnight Musings

Undiagnosed depression.
They don't believe in psychological disorders.
(It's a sin.)
I'm lonely, I hate to admit.
I feel a need for someone to walk in the dark with.
Independence resists such needs.
No help needed, we won't ask.
Months go by no one cares.
Happiness is not given to shadows in corners.
Empty and scared, this is my life, forever.
Never alive.
I woke up at noon, and knew that I didn't want to even try to live today.
So I got up, had coffee and went back to bed. Where I watched Netflix and vowed to be better tomorrow. But because life isn't fair, it will probably be worse. I'll go to work and my face will get hot when people talk to me, or maybe I'll just start crying at how frustrating I am. The latter would be better, embarrassing of course, but they would probably send me home. More likely they would fire me for being a weirdo. Why haven't I just killed myself already? Well...stupidity. All I feel is hopelessness and yet, I have an unbreakable sliver of hope left deep inside. I don't even know if it is hope, maybe it's a microscopic alien whose existence relies on its host staying alive.

Everyday you're holding back tears. 

Hiding behind a vast, and immeasurable dam. 

If you let go, there is no force on this earth that could hold back those dark waters.

Once you start, no going back. 

Endless crying and screams. 

You're afraid of it. 

Still, it feels so good to cry. 

Swollen eyes with broken capillaries don't lie, they tell a story of solitary strength. 

That is as close to the truth as one can get to you, isn't it?