guess what

my arm hurts

and my shame grows

as i peel the scabs 

my body tries to heal

abuse it again

and is that shame 

ashamed of the depth

or 

me

Time to let it all out

This radio silence coming from within

I've relapsed again

But not into delirious oblivion

This is "normal" 

and if your normal isn't

Well then, fuck you

I'm begging for pain again

Simultaneously exhilarated and frightened

Dragging blades across my burning skin

Or

The thrill of being hit over and over

What if it's mania

And I'm one of them

My heart is held by hands

And love can never reach

They pull and twist from it's grasp

Leaving me exhausted

He's okay, just alright

Safety on

But I need him to shoot

Bang bang bitch