January, 10

And we're in limbo
And isn't it sad?
We spiral down
Deeper
Float back up
Lukewarm
Up or down, my dear
Heaven or hell
Light or dark

But I have no choice
No energy
Swim up
The current is pulling you down
I'm going to cry
(Oh no)
I'm going to die
(Oh dear)
I'm hopeless
Help

The keys are broken, hammered off by the stumps I call fingers.
I thought she was gone.
I thought I was rid of her, she came back all too soon.
Still I wasn't good enough. I didn't measure up.
I was taken down again into her black abyss and drowned in the darkness.
I know who she is now, I see past her beautiful facade, but I love her. I need her.
Her soul is ugly, depraved, cruel. She does not love me in return.
Her love is in wearing me down until there is nothing left except my powdered bones.
She stands in all her splendor, dressed to the nines. She is the queen and she will have loyalty.
I am her weak and dishonorable servant.
She broke me and now she demands I be whole.
She gives me no help or words of encouragement, but still she asks for everything I am.
I can only grovel at her feet, I see the truth; my life is tied to hers.
Death would not part us, but perchance death would end this suffering.
The thought of death has become a promising friend. A frightening one, but still--a friend.
Yet, even death nags at me. Death is no kinder than She, for he is the end all.
No second chances will be given once you have thrown yourself into his welcoming arms.
I live in a world of no reality, my life is nothing.
A dreamy, smoky, misty sort of life.
Without Her, I hear the clamor of the Voices.
With Her, I am numb, empty and cold. There is nothing that can reach me when I am in her prison.
I do not see a light, I do not know that one exists. I am in the dark, chasing imaginary saviors.